Getting ahead was my primary focus for over 30 years. I wasn't actually taught this but it became the unsaid expectation: work, work, work... push, push, push.... achieve, achieve, achieve... Repeat every hour. May be done sequentially or in combination. "Rest is for the weary." I'm sure this is someone's quote, but it also became one of my main mantras....and I'm sure I have a bunch of company. I grew up female in the 80s, born in the early 70s. Upper-middle class, suburbia, northeast. Going to college, being successful in marriage and family or professionally--both, truthfully, and being community involved were all absolutes, not far-reaching goals. Our moms were liberated, but perhaps most secure with their husband's/boyfriend's credit cards firmly in their Louis Vuitton wallets. Our fathers were around--they worked a lot, had a bunch of hobbies on the weekends, and didn't think we knew what has happening in their personal life when they suddenly decided to shave off their beard or sport a new mustache (this was #pregoatee, everyone, combining a mustache and a thin pseudo-beard was considered sleazy in those days). We knew mom was the one to really make the decisions and dad would provide. Divorce was known but not really discussed; it was not cool to have three "moms", a step-mom, and six "dads" yet....but it was okay. We were the girls that would "do it all" even better than our predecessors. And we did--and we are. But we paid a price.... We never learned how to appreciate laziness. In fact, we don't know how to relax on our own. We associate being busy with success/importance and rest with under-achievers (hey, what happened to that label?....hmmm, probably slander now). So now we pay for relaxation:
Now, please understand that I love what the mantra can produce. I respect the work ethic, self-confidence, and self-worth it warrants, but there is a price...and I don't think we have to pay it as hard. About 10 years ago, I was told by various medical professionals that I needed to learn how to relax. I didn't listen for about seven of those years. Then I got as close to a mental breakdown as one can while still functioning through "life". A couple of years past then an opportunity came along that I took allowing me more personal time. For months I struggled with the guilt of rest and the absence of business (busy-ness). I rushed into many things in an attempt to fill my times of "rest"....I was feeling great but I was still wound up. One Friday, I received a call that would begin my discovery of the myth of laziness. Looking forward to the upcoming three-day weekend, I was all packed to spend it with my new boyfriend. While I had dated a few men, he was my first boyfriend in a year. We had been together for almost three months and it was going great. Then he postponed our leaving by a day. His 20-year old daughter was coming home for the weekend from college. She went to college over 1000 miles away. No problem. Disappointed but understanding, I drove north back home after work. Friday evening and night passed without incident. Giving myself "a break", I allowed myself to fall asleep on my living room couch around 9pm after ordering from one of those over-priced restaurant delivery places....I woke up on Saturday to no message from the beau so I took a bath. I used lots of oils and good smells along with doing a complete shaving--you know what I mean. By 10am, I was smooth, coiffed, and refreshed. By 1pm, I was a blubbering mess.....no call, no message. WTF. Well, that's when the laziness really set it. It came disguised in the cloak of depression combined with reality. I remained slumped on the couch for a few hours not even moving for the remote to access Netflix or to get an iPad, tablet, or laptop. I sat. I thought. I cried. I wailed. Then, I thought. I analyzed. By the time the bf contacted that evening, I didn't answer the first time he called (yes, I was still waiting for the phone to ding, ring, beep, or buzz....come on, let's be real). But after seeing that he didn't leave a voice mail and that the text read "Hey", I decided to turn off the phone. Yeah. I turned off my cell phone....for over a day. And became productively lazy. While it wasn't a great attempt this first acknowledged time, it did bring forth an understanding: I was most fearful of not being as productive and successful after allowing myself to really do NOTHING. What I found out is that there are many different ways to be lazy, and productive laziness is truly the best way to relax. And guess, what? It can be free! To combat the "Recipe for Success", I am establishing new mantras and concoctions to debunk the "Myth of Laziness": A time of rest is needed for ultimate success. 1970s to 1980s: RECIPE for SUCCESS Combine equal parts:
Let marinate together for at least 20 years. WARNING: end-product may have strong effects; professional therapeutic sessions highly advised to prevent dependence on unnecessary vices. How to do you do Lazy? |
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